I do really love them

And I regret some words I have told them. Not only the words. Maybe just the way I said it. Maybe just my tone voice. 

They are simply the best. Especially her. Although I often don't answer her calls, she kept calling me everyday, asking the same question with her worried voice. Sometimes they were always the same questions. 
"Have you eaten?"
"What did you eat?"
"Was it clean?"
"What time will you go home?"
If the answer was "I will go home late.", then it led to the question: "How will you get home?" 
"Why didn't you pick your phone before?"
"Why didn't you charge it before?" (If the answer is because the battery is empty)
"Why did you silent it?" (If the answer is because the cell phone is in silent mode)
"Don't sleep too late."
"Don't forget to eat. Eat much."
"Don't forget to pick your phone tomorrow."
I do miss those questions now. I used to dislike it, because sometimes she called me several times a day and her questions were very much that I became bored to answer them. And sometimes I was embarassed since if I didn't answer her phone, she would call my friend and asked my friend where I was.. Now I know she did it because she loves me. And she always forgave me, eventhough I often speaks not so nice to her. She's Mom, the most caring, loving, patient, strongest person I've ever known. Sorry Mom for being irresponsible, disobedient, the angry tone I spoke, and for everything I did. I'm really really sorry...


And he is just the most patient person I've ever known. He almost never gets angry. He always stays calm in every situation. (I think that she and he are a good combination since she gets panic easily and he always calms her down.) He always makes milk coffee every morning and every night so that sometimes I became bored to drink it. (Now I really miss the milk coffee that he made.) And he is very friendly. Every morning and evening he always greets me with smile, saying, "How are you?" I was always lazy to answer that question because I thought, "I look healthy, don't I?" Well, I was a really really bad bad bad bad kid. Now I realize that it was that he wanted to make conversation with me. I think it was a bit hard to find a topic to chat between a father and her daughter. And I didn't even try. I'm so so so sorry for being not nice. I'm really really really sorry, Dad. :'(


She always disturbed me when I wanted to study. Mocked me a lot and laughed at my choices. Often being a smartass, thought that her opinion was always the best. And sometimes seemed over confident that made me annoyed. We fought a lot, usually was caused by strange and unimportant issues. But she also made many funny jokes and always seems cheerful. I hardly found her cried or even looked mellow. She laughs very hard and talks with a loud voice also. Yet, I admit that sometimes she could be very wise and gave some opinion that I hadn't thought before. I admit that I often found her advices were good although I didn't want to admit it in front of her. You really are a good older sister, Sis. I'm so sorry for everything I said to you. I never meant it, you know.


Yes, they are the best. I miss them a lot. Thank you for the love, the support, the advices, the phone calls, the dinner, the lunch, the breakfast, the anger to make me better, the rules to make me discipline and responsible, and still there are so much that I have to thank. Mom, Dad, I will give you my best. Please always pray for me. I know you do. Thanks a lot....

The love of a family is life's greatest blessing

When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses.

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not smart yet happy

cause who knows about the future? well, no man does.

Those words come across my mind after I saw old pictures of me and my friends. I just realized how long the time has passed since then. We looked so innocent, silly, yet happy. Yeah, definitely high school always makes people become silly (I'm sure it's not just me??!) However, those times are one of the most unforgettable memories in my life. Well, when I was in high school, what I thought about was only unimportant things. I was so childish back then. This is one example of my weird-unimportant-illogical principle in high school : All of my things must be PINK. That's right. Here's the syllogism: If it's mine, then it must be pink. Super duper weird, huh???? Yeah, lots of people have told me it's weird, but I haven't realized it until.... well, I forget when I was healed from this syndrome. But in that time I thought pink color is soooooo beautiful and I didn't feel right if I had something in another color. That's why my mother and sister always get mad at me if I go shopping with them because it took me a very loooooooonnngg time to choose because the color that I want was not just any pink, it had to be the darker pink, like fuchsia. And sometimes the things must had cute picture on it, like hello kitty or mashimaro or any other sanrio gang! hahaha. Well, until now I still like pink, but not as freak as before. 


My other craziness is my craziness to a manga called Detective Conan a.k.a Meitantei Conan. Especially to the main character, Shinichi Kudo. I read it first when I was in the fifth grade of elementary school and I have been collecting that manga since that time. From that time until junior high school, I read one manga every day before I went to sleep and I also read them during weekends. I remembered every detail of every character , even the unimportant ones, such as the culprit, the suspects, the victim. I remembered their full name, their profession, even their ages. I remembered every case, every trick, the cover of each volume, well... everything. And if Shinichi showed up in one page, I would look at that page in a very long time and read that chapter many times. That manga even motivated me to study Japanese language, so that I took a Japanese course in high school and joined a Japanese club in junior high school. (Well...since my motivation was not strong enough, I didn't study well and hadn't made much progress in mastering Nihongo/Japanese language) Now, I'm no longer that attached to the manga. In fact, I haven't read one in a long time. And I absolutely no longer memorize every detail of it. My mind -sadly- has been full of other stuffs now. More important stuffs, indeed :p. Well, they're not as fun as Meitantei Conan story, though :( Yet, I am still a huge fans of Meitantei Conan and I still hope that I can meet the author, Aoyama Gosho-san, some time. Ganbatte kudasai!!


The other thing I remember is that me and my friends often gave nickname to some people that we often talked about. Usually, those people were our crushes :p Well, the definition of crush here doesn't have to be someone you like. It could be some cute boy who walked across our classroom and then one of us said, "Wow, he's cute. I like him. Let's call him '.....' " The '.....' will be filled with the first word that came across that person's mind. (Usually it was a fruit name. I don't know why it has to be fruit name. Well I guess there was some history but I forget.) This is the Indonesian version of the conversation above : "Ihhh lucu ya. Gw ngeceng.." (If you're a boy and you're reading it, I understand if you feel that this sentence is a little bit creepy :) And started from that time, we would talk about that crush almost every day. The topic could be the same every time, such as a friend who disagreed of him being handsome, or some other friend who told a new information about him, until a friend who gave suggestion that you should introduce yourself to him (which fortunately I never did). Well now, I might not remember some of our crushes back then. Nonetheless, I will always remember all the good time I spent with my friends talking about those guys. Those were really good times, thought about nothing, just sharing jokes, laughing together, talking silly things, laughing out loud, no falsity, no burden, just be the way we were. I remember when I was not feeling so happy when I went to school, then I met my friends, then I would see something funny or hear some jokes or silly facts, then I would laugh, then I forgot my sadness that morning. Thanks a lot guys. You may not realize it but you had repeatedly brighten my days. :)


Back to the old pictures I saw before. I compare the old pictures to the new one that we took recently when we had a reunion. And I realize something. It's not only our style that changes. Our expression... it does also. We look more mature, and -sorry to say- older. We don't look as innocent as we did before. Of course that's not a bad thing. That means we have grown up. Well we all are grown-ups now. I can't always think about silly issues. There are real issues-that as a grown-up-I must be aware of. It's time to read more newspaper and less comic. More Metro TV and less Insert. More Matlab and less Facebook. (Maybe it's not the right comparison. I can't think of any website that represents education :D) There is a future that I have to think about now. Soon, I will work and no longer depending on my parents. Yeah, becoming a real grown-up. Wow. Sounds like a big task. Yet, I can still have fun. Who says adult can't relax? And there's a verse saying

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Phil 4:13 (KJV)

Segala perkara dapat kutanggung di dalam Dia yang memberi kekuatan kepadaku. Filipi 4:13

What a relieving fact. Yes, I will walk only in His path. I don't want to walk on my own, because I will get lost. It's His will and  it's me who obey. Let me be as the way He wants me to be. 
Life is always moving forward and not backward. The time? It's clockwise, not counter clockwise. Therefore, I surely will walk with faith.


"So, who knows the future?"
"Well I don't. Neither do you."
"Well He does. He has prepared it carefully. Each one is different. Every plan suits each person best."
"I do believe Him."
"So do I."

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